Track Jacket Gay

Track Jacketitha wearing her famous red track jacket

Queers are really in right now, and I’m not talking weirdos. There are pukka shell necklace gays, basketball gays, Richard Gere gays, PE teacher/sports injury gays, and track jacket gays. The 70’s were rad, David Bowie is rad, Flight of the Conchords is rad, Ambiguously gay people are even radder. How does one get that androgynous look? One. Get a short but touseled shaggy hair cut. Two. Get expensive (or expensive-looking jeans) Three. Steer queer (ahem*) I mean steer clear-of make-up.
“Wait wait…”I hear you saying. “I am looking for fashion tips…I am obviously totally girlie!!?! What do I want with your crazy advice to emulate homosexuals and look more masculine?” Hmm…now, wouldn’t you love to open the door for yourself? Walk (and/or jog) a million miles in your own shoes? Jettison the compulsion to furtively glance up from the floor to see who’s looking? Not have the experience of feeling overexposed in front of that police officer/videostore owner/guy driving by in a truck. This kind of look can be dressed up too. Have you ever seen a really cute girl in a button up shirt and a tie? And then there’s that whole catholic schoolgirl fetish, which is really about the tie…and not the skirt btw. So bring out your track jackets and your mod hairstyles, your friendship bracelets, and your playful personality because yer not wowing ‘em with your short skirt. You are actually trapping them in your tractor beam of self-reliance, your supple ability to stay one step ahead of the game and keep a low profile.

And Don’t forget to unzip your track jacket every once in awhile.

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