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VIP-breaking in the scene, breaking out

By Alexi BoshartKikki Kannibal-scene queen

My Fashion Lovers,

*hand to head* My dears! Oh the things I found for you today. I found an article in WikiHow about “How to be a Scene Queen”. “Whaaa,” I hear some of you queenies askin’ “What the hell is a scene queen?!?” Don’t get your panties in a bunch sweetie, I’m about to tell ya. Cause I, ahem, totally knew, cough, exactly what, ahem, yeah. At first glance we can get the words at least. Scene meaning a sphere of activity, like the punk scene or the dog show scene. {Okay, with more background from the website Little Black Cherry based in the UK, “Scene” kids are all the kids listening to emo music-emo as in the shit you mosh to, as opposed to the shit you cry at-So it’s specific.} And for queen, the free online dictionary says: Something having eminence or supremacy in a given domain and personified as a woman. Or heh, as: The fertile, fully developed female in a colony of social bees, ants, or termites. Okay so an eminently fertile female in a certain sphere of activity. Oooh Kaaay. Well that helps, but the article offers that a “scene queen” (oh, mom can we call it a Squeene?) “is a girl who expresses her feelings through art and pictures. With their crazy hair and their many closets filled with brand name clothing.” Okay, that sounds a little nauseating. But! it is important to understand the box so that you can think outside of it, you fame seeking dirty little sl-achoo! *Ahem. Please forgive my roughness around the edges today, darlings (PMS and a sniffle) –here’s my condensed version of the How To article:

1. Be Confident. *Okay, great advice, with you so far…*

2. Get an Internet presence. Myspace. Facebook etc. *Yeah, okay cool, but be careful, Myspace reserves all right to use, abuse, reprint, republish, redo and own any and all pictures and art you put up (this hasn’t stopped me from publishing all sorts of pithy, writing bits and gratuitous self portraits of myself, FYI, I mean pirates is everywhere, right?) Message famous people like ahem Jeffree Star. Yes. lil sweetie’s famous, but as you chase clouds–be sure that you also get a nice dose of other art, and life that feels more substantive than “fluffy”. Because most scene’s will make little stars of their best and brightest who have something to say or give, it’s true. Harrowing stories or interesting messages, depth of heart and spirit will always take you farther. Always. So yeah, tart it up online, but acculturate yourself in the world too–meaning if there is a scene you want to conquer–come bearing gifts of insight, art, healing, vision and DIY driven fashion, etc.*

3. Understand how these people got famous. *No clue how this is supposed to help you. Some people get famous for great things-Lincoln, Amelia Earhart, Dali, Picasso and some people get famous for ridiculous things, like singing badly on American Idol or expressing perfect pictorial vanity. The important thing here I think you should remember is that fame can be like a rabbit fur coat in 80 degree weather–fancy, but not really what you need. Wait aren’t we all scrambling to be famous?!?! Let’s think about that later after we are overexposed.*

4. Scene lingo is easy to catch on. Add extra letters to words and use words such as “lush” and things like that. *Isn’t this one like totally cute. Like totally cute and funny. Here’s the thing, try too hard at anything and you end up stoned with people of whom you are terrified interrupting their stories to interject inappropriately timed approvals. “Did you see in Ironman wher…” “Yeah, Raaaad. the effects were lush.” “Yeah, no my boyfriend did some final editing for it, OMG in one shot you can totally see the boom operators.”*

5. Get professional pictures taken. *God. I hate rules. Don’t you just hate rules? You gonna go pay for to become a “squeene” really? Ha Ha Ha Ha ha….wooo. Instead why don’t you get someone famous to tattoo your face on their butt and then drop trou at the crowd next time they are on Letterman? Or better yet, get someone to carve your face into the moon. No more man in the moon, you in the moon. Then lots of people will see you. And still not like you. Pictures are a huge part of this new economy of identity myspace profiles like little human trading cards…But don’t go get head shots or anything….geez. Do some fun photo shoots with your friends who are going to be professional photographers, or whatever. Hilarious.*

6. Wear a lot of make up. *Apparently the Squeene that wrote this is big on the skin colored face paints. And the Amy Winehouse eyeliner thingy. Whatever, play around, rock it if it makes you feel good, but I am not really sure about the ability of make-up to do that much for any one’s social standing other than Jezebel.*

7. Now that you have the face and personality, how about your hair? Scene queens are supposed to be different and unique, and they must stand out in a crowd. Don’t just put brown and blond streaks in it. Go wild! Dye your hair a bright color, such as purple or pink, then add tons of crazy extensions. Dye your hair a different color every month, and if you like the original dye job, then add some touch ups every month. To make your hair stand out even more, make sure you have a tiara holding your hair in place. *So much of this crap is about convincing everybody you are different. Well guess what? You probably are, but not by degree of rainbow in your hair and you can probably think for yourself too (confession: I love wild hair, so yeah go for whatever you want, as long as you want to, fun!).*

8.Clothes are essential. *Well, puke! But this part is kinda rad*: Many scene queens shop at thrift stores too, then take the things they buy there and glamor them up and alter them to make them their own. They make their own style, they set the trends. They love taking shirts then cutting the sleeves and adding glitter and making it completely one of a kind. Its something you should do too. *Yeah! Recycle Reduce Reuse! plus you can create something that comes from you and really feel like you are expressing that unique you that you are crafting and then pimpin’ out. and please continue to try and disregard the “they do this you should too.”*

**9. Are you getting tired of this? me too….anyway, why is this in a fashion blog? Well, because most scenes have a sort of dress code and I like this article because I think scenes are useful–it can be exceptional fun playing with the dress code of a scene…and when you have an “IN” crowd admit you to a social moment–a dance-off, conversation, impromptu park hang-out, you can share information with them. Scene people (like pod people aaaaahhhhhh) know a lot of interesting music, express emerging aesthetic, political, and comedic sensibilities. They (or the one this list is talking about) tend to be devoid of spirituality (though religious iconography may be omnipresent), I am not quite sure why. So mount it and own that scene if you really want to, but my advice is stick with good ole #1 Be confident. Hang with scenesters, but keep your eyes on the horizon, kemo sabe. There are things beyond fame. And they might have to do with God, and Sex and War. Or maybe not. Maybe it’s just a field of poppies and your best friend. Either way, think of coffee and dirt and the center of the earth, life is like that….rich. That sceney betch with the rad hair and all the myspace friends–she can’t live your life for you…and shit, you have more to do than put on make-up and then cry it off because of a text message break-up! You have more to do. XOXO–Alexi

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